Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
