4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
