Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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