just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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