you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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