It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize