haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
