On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
