this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
not ubering you a puppy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize