i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
