how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
