I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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