You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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