Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
