sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
