Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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