I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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