You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
