Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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