Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
