Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
