Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
