He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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