It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
