i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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