Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
