It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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