Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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