i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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