Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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