So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
