the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
