Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
