I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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