You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
