So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize