last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
