I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You left your phone here
Wait...
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