I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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