you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
