True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
