dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There's even glitter on my cock...
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