can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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