its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
