why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
