I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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