I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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