I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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