Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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