Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
