Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
