Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
