my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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