I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
