i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
