i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
