WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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