She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She told me I should be a condom model.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
