it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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