she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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