My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're too hungover to prance.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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