I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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