I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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