I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
