I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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